(Story by Mir, from WouldaCouldaShoulda.com)
It's early January, which means we are legally obligated to engage in smalltalk about our feelings regarding the new year and all of the great things we vow to accomplish therein. As a middle-aged woman with a tween and a teenager, I should:
A) Reiterate that I am not sorry to see the past year depart.
B) Be repenting for my holiday overindulgence and vowing to lose weight.
C) Make sure I am too drunk at all times to even discuss.
D) All of the above.
In reality, I'm not gonna lie—part of me is far too busy recovering from Christmas throwing up all over my house to even consider this topic, but another part of me resolves to stop resolving. Yeah, I said it.
Look; I've been through this New Year's thing plenty of times in my life. I've stayed home and I've partied. I've tried to ignore it; I've tried to embrace it. I've made resolutions and I've refused to change one bit. I've broken habits, forged new ones, eaten better, exercised, focused on my family, focused on my work, focused on myself, finished projects, started projects, and everything else.
What I've learned is that:
… there's nothing magical about January 1st.
… I can do almost anything I set my mind to for a while, but when it's couched as a "New Year's Resolution" I'm likely to backslide later in the year.
… I always want to do more, be more, and give more.
… every day is a fresh start, if you want it to be.
I eat too much and I don't exercise enough. I love my family more than anything but "in the moment" I may behave poorly towards them or brush off someone I love so that I can accomplish a work a housekeeping task that truly matters less. I don't give myself enough credit. I don't cut myself enough slack. And arbitrary goals force me to focus on my shortcomings rather than celebrate my successes. While I'm far too much of a planner and a control freak to just head out into the world blind and schedule-less, maybe the key for me is to stop with grand plans and just… be. Today. And again tomorrow. And however long it takes me to spend more days than not thinking, "Know what? Life is pretty good."
So. For 2012 I resolve nothing other than this: Take every day and try to make it a good one. If that doesn't work, start over the next day. I figure I have another 40 years or so to figure it out, right? But in the meantime, I don't need to be anything other than what I already am to find my happy. I suspect this is like believing in fairies; if I believe it, it's true.
Fess up: Did you make New Year's Resolutions? Care to share?
(Start your new year right…read more Mir here)
You have summed up my feelings perfectly. Here’s to a year of doing our best, but not beating ourselves up about it!
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My New Year’s Resolution: to not make any resolutions. Oh, wait, DANGIT!
I do have some goals I am setting for myself, but it’s more in reaction to what I went through over the holidays, rather than it being the new year. If these emotions and experiences had happened, say, in March, I’d still be where I’m at right now with all the goal setting.
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I don’t really believe in resolutions… just aspirations that perhaps I had time to actually reflect on during the two weeks of the holidays and so it starts around the same time.
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Jennifer Crusie says she’s stopped making resolutions; she makes plans. So yes, I’ve got some of those, and they coincide with the New Year because both of my kids have birthdays within a week of Christmas, and it’s just too crazy a time to do anything different. Fresh year, fresh start.
Then I saw this on my friend’s FB: Resolved: spend less/appreciate more, exercise more/lounge less, love more/covet less, less caffeine/more antioxidants, less clutter/more harmony, laugh more/worry less, more seeing through the eyes of my children/less expecting them to see through mine.
I like it, so I’m keeping to that, too.
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I have always been of the opinion that the importance of the ‘New Year’s Resolution” is less about the resolution itself, and more about people taking the time to look at their lives.. both in the present and in the past. Time for those who do not, or cannot, look at their lives on as small a scale as day to day. Conversely, time for those who only see the day by day minutia and try to see a bigger picture. In short, and excuse for people to take a break and explore the far side of the hill, even for a short time. The key is that it doesnt need to be small or big, long or short, easy or hard, and if you fall off the wagon, its not the end of the world.
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As 2011 was a pretty much unrelieved blob of stress and worry, I had sort of kind of resolved to worry less in the new year. THEN! The universe smacked me down by giving a close friend a large brain tumor (which we learned about…. On New Year’s Eve). So, yeah, I’m pretty cynical about resolutions at the moment.
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Exactly! So very much how I’ve been feeling. Done it all before, kinda feel guilty for not making resolutions but not actually annoyed enough with the whole thing to take the “I’m not doing it” stand. I really make resolutions every day/week, and they all boil down to exactly what you are saying – I need to be more/better/more productive/healthier/a better parent/a better housekeeper/a better child. Seriously, to just do the best I can and not beat myself up about it would be great. (My super secret not telling anyone in case I totally don’t do it resolution is to get off processed foods altogether this year and start really cooking for myself and my son again. And to not beat myself up when I fall back on chicken nuggets or frozen pizza. Again. Sigh.)
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I think you’ve summed it up perfectly. I’m not making any New Year’s resolutions. I am making an ongoing effort to be healthier and to be kinder to myself and others. My husband are making ongoing efforts to make our living as screenwriters. Those things happen every day. The only thing we really did is look at each other on New Year’s Eve and reaffirm what it is we’re trying to do in our relationship and our careers.
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I named some projects I want to do but no resolutions. I am pg so the weight loss one is out for now. I want to finish the other kids’ baby books before this one comes and I would like to repaint the trim in our house after looking at Christmas pictures with chipped paint in the background. That is reasonable right? I don’t like to do the big resolutions in January because I had bandwagons. I hate feeling like I got tricked into following a trend. So I might vow to lose weight but not on January 1st.
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I don’t really do the whole new year’s thing. I just feel kinda ‘meh’ about the whole deal and don’t see why there’s so much hoopla. Though, you won’t find me complaining about free days off with the Hubs and kids, so there’s that.
I always need to lose weight. I always need to laugh more. I always need to be more patient. I always need to smile at strangers more. I always need to organize something or clean something or stay more focused or declutter, or read Tolstoy or exercise or eat better or appreciate things around me more or want less things or finish this or that project. There is always something that can be improved upon, changed, eliminated, etc. Just about the only thing I don’t need to work on is telling those I love how much I love them. They always know.
None of that changes suddenly on January 1st. None of it. So why set myself up for failure in such a commonly epic way? My self-esteem needs work, too, always, and I’m not going to damage it even a little bit more by jumping on some strange numbers based bandwagon. I will continue to work on things. I will continue to be lazy some days and get none of those things done. I will continue to fall behind on laundry, stress it, and catch back up again. I’m sure my room will perpetually need cleaning. Me? I’m not gonna stress it. It’ll get cleaned again sometime and then it will get trashed again. It’s the circle of life.
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This is kinda funny, but I made a resolution this year after not doing it since I was in my early 20′s, when I realized I was always setting myself up for failure. Aaanyways, my resolution is to appreciate more. I do not want to hear these words come out of my mouth–”It was good, BUT…” Just stop with “It was good.” Don’t go looking for a negative to “balance” the positive. In general, I am a positive person,so I’m hoping this will “take” pretty well. I even put up signs on the fridge and bathroom mirror to remind me
.
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Never been big on resolutions. I have tried to live in the moment and just be for quite some time, probably about the time I had kids. I realized I could plan but it really didn’t matter because my chronic illness and my kids would just mess up my plans anyway so it was better to just be in the moment. It’s been good for me.
But this year rocked my boat. I was hospitalized twice and my husband had reconstructive wrist surgery. I’m still recovering (3 months later) and it looks like it will take at least 3-4 more months before I know if I’ve healed. I faced my own mortality on a level I never have before, and I realized over the past week that I have been living in fear since August. Fear of lots of things that I won’t bother detailing. What I know is that I can’t keep doing this. It’s making me crazy.
So I resolve to not live in fear anymore. To live in the moment again. To know that I’m not going to die, and if I do, I don’t want to spend my last days living in fear of that.
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Last year, my “new year’s resolution” was to draft my resume, knowing that it was time to move on, career-wise. So it ended up more of a . . . deadline. This year, I decided to set small goals each month. Not a resolution. I think having some sort of a goal is a good thing. Something vague and long-term, not so good.
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If all of us seem to feel this way, why, (and who,) is still setting resolutions?
I’ve always been a ‘Non-Resolutionist’ (totally just started a new cult there, I did.) A few years back I did do a big “Things I’d like to do this year…” list. And I did actually accomplish most of the items on the list; during a two year period. Hey, they got written down & accomplished, and that’s saying something. These were things like house improvement projects, nothing life changing. But knowing I accomplished them, and checking back on them in the interim did knock some of my stress down.
I too hate the whole “bandwagon” thing. I’ve been planning to get to a yoga class & get serious about my weight loss since last Oct. The holidays started & I decided to just get through them & worry about the other stuff after. Now it’s after. I’m going to go back to Yoga & Weight Watchers, but I’m pretty sure it’s not happening till next week. Mostly, because I’m not a huge fan of crowds and I hate being a walking cliche. (Even if I am one.)
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I always write intentions throughout the year. Resolutions seem like you’re setting yourself up to fail.
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What a perfect approach to the annual conundrum. I did resolve to repeat 2 of my 3 from last year: eat less/exercise more/get rid of crap. We’ll see how it goes. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE your “it’s one day” approach. Much more reasonable.
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I ditto Tenessa!
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I’m with you. Only once (as an adult) have I made a resolution. My kids pushed us to choose something as a family so we decided we’d pick up trash once a month all year at the park nearby. And? We did it. I put it on the calendar and I pushed us out the door with gloves and trash bags. Did we do it the next year though? Nope. And my kids don’t make resolutions any more either. (That’ll teach them!)
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I don’t do resolutions. I don’t pay any attention to New Year’s Eve beyond the simple pleasure of hanging up a new calendar (which is only slightly more exciting than changing the page each month). I think the celebration of the start of an arbitrary calendar that does not have much of a connection to natural cycles and events is silly. Especially since for most people all it is is an excuse to get drunk.
SO! Now that I’ve outed myself as a kill-joy, I will say that I do like to have some sort of intention or goal for myself at various times. I tend to think of my Starting Anew time as being in September (I’m a teacher, and the end of summer and start of a new school year is a big deal for me), and I that’s when I often think about long-term plans.
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My resolution (aka life goal) is: up and dressed before noon. Work-out clothes totally count, but only if I actually work out at some point. Ah yes, the glamorous/slightly depressing life of the underemployed.
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