Happy Hating




Keeping Me Small

8 comments | April 12th, 2012

(story submitted by Tara, a 26 yo Chestist) 

i'm so scared that i don't know what i'm doing.

is this relationship holding me back and keeping me small?

should i be pursuing this career or am i crazy?

i just want to feel loved, nurtured and supported.

why do i feel like i can't provide that for myself? seeking strength right now. {end story}

Tara's wants and worries seem so relatable to us.  Have you ever felt like she does?  Can you relate?  How'd you get past it?  Or are you still swimming in it? 

Let's #discuss and get it off our chests. 


  • MCS

    Posted on December 4, 2011

    If I had a true answer, no doubt I’d be out on the speaker’s circuit preaching it. I think it’s hard because that truism about the “grass always being greener” is true, but not because the grass is always greener but because we’re wired to want.

    Wanting to feel loved, nurtured and supported is universal. Wondering why we don’t is common.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted on December 4, 2011

    I really don’t mean this negatively, but maybe you are already all those things and just aren’t looking at your world the right way.

    Support can come from anywhere. Strength will only come from within. IMHO.

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  • CO82

    Posted on December 4, 2011

    I just got out of a 4 year relationships, which neither of us should have been in. We were both in desperate need for love and thinking we’d found an answer in each other. It wasn’t good for most of the time. It was never bad, it was just wrong. We kept each other small, to use your words.

    If you think you’re being kept small – you probably are. We will never find true love in my experience until we truly love ourselves.

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    • My View

      Posted on December 5, 2011

      Some of us need reinforcement from other people. Who knows why? Could be our parents, past relationships, whatever. The fact of the matter is we need it, crave it, find it wherever we can. I am at peace with my need for others. Took me a long time, but now I know who I am, and I’m okay with that.

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      • Eva@OOC

        Posted on December 5, 2011

        Thanks for sharing that, My View. We understand what you are saying and are impressed by your self-acceptance. At the end of the day, isn’t that what we are all working towards? Thoughts anyone?

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  • Anonymous

    Posted on December 6, 2011

    There’s a thing called Imposter Syndrome, where someone feels like they are not really good enough for what they have, and if anyone takes a good close look at them, it will all melt away. People of all walks of life have this problem.

    I’ve often felt like I suck at being a grownup. Just the routine maintenance of an adult life can feel overwhelming, and I can get pretty good at discounting all evidence of my success… because the bathroom is a mess or I was late to work the other day or my work is not as good as it should be… and it can be paralyzing, so that damn, I really do start screwing up at work, I really do leave the kitchen to grow fascinating new life forms. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, and when everything goes wrong, I can feel justified in my self-evaluation.

    Does this sound familiar?

    If that’s you, it’s okay. Because the secret is that *everyone* kinda sucks at being a grownup, at least until they figure it out.

    You might have the wrong partner. You might be in the wrong job. You might be depressed or anxious. If that’s you… that’s also okay. Really, it is.

    If you can, narrow things down until you’re worrying about one thing at a time, and maybe try to find a solution to that. Just let the relationship or the job or the house or whatever ride for a while, and look at one single thing you can make even a tiny bit better. When you’ve got strength again, do another single thing to make a tiny bit better.

    Eventually, you will sort out the job and the relationship and everything else. You just can’t do it all at once! Nobody can.

    You are okay.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted on April 12, 2012

    I wake up every morning exhausted because I’ve spent the night tossing and turning and wondering why I don’t feel more connected to the life I’m living. On paper, everything is great. In my head everything is barely tolerable. Like you, I feel that I’m living small and all I want is to live large/

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