(story by Mir from Woulda Coulda Shoulda.com)
I'm just going to apologize in advance for this one. If you're of a delicate constitution and discussion of genitals makes you feel faint (and not in a good way, one assumes), please feel free to skip the following.
If you can handle a little bit of anatomy-talk in the name of honest discussion, onward!
Okay. So, over the summer, Summer's Eve debuted a line of commercials which featured… talking vaginas. Really, hands imitating vaginas. Which talked. Said vagina-hands (hand-vaginas?) also exploited just about every racist stereotype possible, and so there was a swift and immediate push-back from the public, and the ads disappeared just as swiftly as they'd appeared. (Thank goodness.) If you find this equal parts intriguing and horrifying, you can read about it and see the videos over at Adweek.
When this happened, people blogged about it, and complained about it on Twitter, and I saw it all happen and thought, "Man, some ad executive just lost his job." (His; of course his, because what self-respecting woman would've thought up that campaign? Exactly.)
Then I went on with my life, because people being stupid is not new, and people being stupid in marketing is really not new, and I was glad, at least, that it didn't take long for such a dumb campaign to be slapped down and rejected by the public.
But today I saw a comment along the lines of "Um. Wow." on a blog, along with a link to the Summer's Eve site. And what greets you there? A TALKING VAGINA HAND. Apparently the PR folks for Summer's Eve decided that it was the racism and stereotypes of the previous campaign that were problematic; the notion of 1) using a hand to represent a vagina or 2) having someone's genitals talk wasn't an issue.
I feel like many good and smart and eloquent feminists have gone down this road before me, and maybe I am just echoing in their footsteps, but the horror of the vagina-hands has brought me to a place where I feel the need to speak out. In fact, I am going to convey the following in no uncertain terms to my daughter, and she will probably cringe and roll her eyes, but I think it's my duty as her mother to get the message across, no matter how embarrassing it might be for either of us.
Therefore, let us please agree to the following Tenets of the Vagina:
1) The vagina is just another body part. Wondrous, life-giving, whatever, but still—a natural part of the female body.
2) Vaginas smell like… vaginas. Which is exactly how they are supposed to smell.
3) Washing your vagina—that is, what's inside your body—is unnecessary. It's self-cleaning! Like your nose! Didn't your mother ever tell you to keep your fingers out of… oh, nevermind.
4) Washing your vulva—that is, the outer anatomy there—is fine. And no matter how many talking vagina-hands tell you that using soap down there is a horrifying notion, guess what? Soap is fine. If you're particularly sensitive, even just water is fine.
5) Any company in the business of selling special vagina-cleaning products can only stay in business by convincing women that vaginas are naturally unclean, stinky, and disgusting. The next time you go to the grocery store, take a look at the Big Wall Of Douches And Other Feminine Wash Products, and feel free to weep for humanity.
And just so we're perfectly clear, even if we really were all completely stinky and gross, that doesn't make it okay to market products with a creepy talking vagina, whether you make it out of your hand or commission it at Jim Henson's workshop. Would it be okay to get rid of the weird dual bathtubs that Cialis currently uses in their commercials and instead have a sad penis puppet? ("Hey. Hey, you. Yeah. This is your penis talking. You know how I've been on the fritz lately.") No man would stand for that. So why are woman giving the vagina hand (and its message of "proper" vaginal hygiene) a pass?
If no one bought these products, they'd cease to exist. Spread the word. You smell fine. Don't buy the hype, and especially don't buy anything marketed by a hand-vagina. That's just creepy.
Seriously, it's not just me, right? That's unbearably creepy? I challenge you to find me a commercial that's either creepier or more inappropriate.
(read more Mir here. How could you not want to now?)
I am kind of loving that sad, penis-on-the-fritz puppet idea.
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I will second that. Can we have that commercial made and played during super bowl??
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Oh, yes, pretty please????
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My son’s 12 and after he saw these commercials (at school!) he ran around the house using his hand as a talking vagina, which mortified our 10 year-old daughter.
I’d try and keep him from doing it, though honestly I found his interpretation and monologues much more entertaining than the original source material.
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I’m trying to come up with something mature to say in response to this… but… I can’t stop laughing.
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I’ve been trying and I can’t seem to make my hand do this correctly it just looks weird(er?)
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Yeah. Perhaps someone heard of The Vagina Monologues and misinterpreted? This is one of so many reasons that I am glad I a) have a DVR and b) can hardly bear to watch much broadcast tv anyway. Doctor Who, with your lego ads and your reminders to check out the new Top Gear episode, and your COMPLETE LACK OF VAGINA HANDS, I do love you so!
I remember reading yonks and years and ages ago that douches are actually a rather bad idea as they unbalance the natural and necessary chemistry? Which seems fairly obvious as in, really, do you think swizzing perfumed chemicals around an internal and fairly delicate area is a GOOD thing? Maybe they’ve gotten better, but since I am profoundly disturbed by the cliche that woman are somehow ‘unclean’ I tend not to pay attention to these things if I can help it.
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OMG. I just LOL’d for real with an image of THAT pitch.
“Yeah. I know, but it’s a really famous play and all and women like it, so…”
“Sure! Here’s money. Start shooting it asap…how about a series?”
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The link to the summer’s eve site doesn’t work. But I found that talking vagina and sent them an email of disapproval. Sheesh…
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Stupidest marketing idea I’ve ever seen, hands down. (So to speak… heh.)
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That was…frightening. Shower daily, wash yo junk, all will be well. Seems easy right?
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Google “vintage Lysol ads”. Seriously, LYSOL was originally marketed as a feminine hygiene product. The ads are incredibly sexist and stereotypical! Have we returned to that era? Check out this set on Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrbill/sets/834100/ They would be hilarious if they weren’t so sad! You’ve come a LONG way, baby!
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You’d think that a company that’s in the business of selling unnecessary cleaning products for women would know the difference between a vagina and a vulva. They don’t really expect people to put that junk in their vaginas, do they?!
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I had not seen anything about this fascinating marketing drive so I went to watch the videos. Oh. My. Goodness. I couldn’t even finish watching. Definitely not just you. Creeptastic.
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Wait! Stop! How is the economy going to recover if women don’t hate their vaginas and buy lots of expensive products to make them smell different?
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PS Thank you so much for your anatomical accuracy. It drives me nuts to hear people use the word vagina when they mean vulva.
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I’ll take that challenge. This one is way creepy. A person made out of people? I had actual nightmares from it. I can never buy a Toyota now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tz50_1Y2pXU&feature=player_embedded
Also, Charmin has a campaign called “Enjoy the Go” I’ve switched brands. Quilted Northern and Cottonelle now get my $
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I hate those Toyota commercials- creep creep creepy…
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Oh, lord. I had never seen that commercial before. Creepsville for sure.
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SO agree about the Toyota commercial!
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The first time I saw that commercial, I sent a text to my BF saying “I just saw the CREEPIEST COMMERCIAL EVER”…. what in the world? WHACK!
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TOTALLY agree. I haaate that ad, and turn the channel when it comes on. ::shudder::
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The other day I was watching tv and my eldest son (16) came upstairs, unfortunately for him, just as a commercial for some feminine cleansing product came on. He was just wanting a glass of water, but was instead treated to a spluttering rant from me, which finished with the impassioned statement, “JUST so you know, when the time comes, a vagina is supposed to smell like a VAGINA, not like some vanilla ocean breeze orchard goodness crap.”
Later, when he’d slunk back down the stairs, I asked my husband if he thought I’d traumitized the boy. He weighed his words for a moment then said, “I think…he’ll remember it.”
Well. It’s true, anyhow.
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That is totally awesome. Ha!
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Did you see Stephen Colbert making fun of these? That was pretty awesome. http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/393043/july-25-2011/vaginal-puppeteering-vs–d–k-scrub
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Ahahahahahaaaaaahahahaha that was awesome!
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Awesome. I feel so much better after seeing that. I had been feeling pretty unclean, you know.
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I loved that when I saw it, and I was just going to post it.
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It really must be the summer of inappropriate marketing to women. Between this and the wars have been fought commercial, seriously, someone needs to get the message.
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This reminds me of one of the skits in the Kathy and Mo: Parallel Lives show. Have you ever seen that? If not, you should- you would love it. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0389066/)
In one of the skits Kathy Najimy says she wouldn’t want her vagina to smell like a daisy anymore than a daisy would want to smell like a vagina. : )
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Hadn’t seen these – so glad I missed them! The creepy Toyota commercial I can’t stand. The load-o-dump diaper commercials are horrifying. I don’t understand where the advertisers are headed. Maybe they are using the old thinking that any media attention is a good thing?
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Along the lines of your Cialis remarks, do you notice how there are no products specifically formulated for cleaning penises?
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Just because I need to know, how many products for men and their junk?
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None, unless you’re counting that most middle schoolers are going to spray Axe on their junk at some point.
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Oh my. So glad we ditched the satellite and have gone DVD/blu-ray/steaming only. We were only only watching 80′s movies for $75/month anyway.
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There’s probably some FCC rule against the word vulva being spoken on TV. Still, shouldn’t companies who sell women’s products empower the women they’re selling to?
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You’d think so, wouldn’t you Tenessa.
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Ya know, ‘douche’ has become a popular name-calling choice for a reason…
and..I totally agree with you…thanks for spreading the word!
Hmm..although it would be funny to have an add with “Do the Douche” for the tag line.
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I am so glad those ads never ran in Canada and I will not be going to the website to check them out.
Augh, talking hand vaginas
run away screaming.
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I couldn’t resist contacting them about this idiocy. I just had to share the response with you all…
**********************************************************
Thank you for contacting us regarding Summer’s Eve(r) advertising.
We’re sorry that you were offended by the advertisement. Please be
assured that your comments have been forwarded to the brand manager.
We appreciate your feedback and the opportunity to correspond.
Kindest regards,
Ashley
Summer’s Eve V-Care Specialist
Summer’s Eve…Hail to the V(r).
****************************************
I love that she’s a vagina care specialist. And that, in responding to an email about how ridiculous I think the Hail to the V advertisements are, she leaves the Hail to the V tag line in her response.
I totally feel like they took me seriously, now…
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I’d say any woman is a V-Care specialist, wouldn’t you? “Hail to the V” is ridiculous anyway, because I really don’t need anyone saluting my V (either one of them), which that kind of sounds like they want everyone to do.
Random person: *stands at attention and salutes* Hail to the V, lady!
Me: My V is none of your business.
And if they can’t even say the correct word, they can’t advertise about it — especially on TV. How’s that for a compromise?
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Okay, I’m high-fiving both of you (Diahn and Jessica) in my mind, here. And not hailing anyone’s V. Heh.
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That’s amazing on so many levels.
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THIS is the creepiest thing I have ever seen. For years, it has given me nightmares…and I googled the commercial on YouTube and exposed myself to the horror just to link it here:
(Creepy Sheep Boys)
http://youtu.be/rKkZ3hkDF4w
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“Big Wall Of Douches”
That would be the guys at the Ad Agency, I’m guessing.
I’m thinking “Ashley” from the comment above is probably not going to put that title on her resume.
@Anonymous – Boardwalk Empire has one of the characters using Lysol as birth control. It was rather shocking at first. Also a friend has a saying “if we had really come that far you wouldn’t still be calling me ‘baby’”
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The commercials were creepy and weird, and a vulva-hand is creepy and weird.
P.S. THANK YOU for using the correct terminology. I’m a big fan of just using “vulva” unless I really mean “vagina.” I think I scarred my niece for life when she stayed with me this summer and we had the “vulva vs. vagina” discussion. Hey, no use her staying ignorant, and I don’t tolerate calling either one her “coochie” when she’s with me. Call it what it is, not some freaky made-up word. Heck, I think we should call the hand-vulvas “coochies” or something instead of calling the real thing that.
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I’d never seen the Toyota commercial or the Colbert spoof (which was hilarious!). Really, Summers Eve? The vertical smile?
In high school, we were told that we NEEDED to douche after our periods. Every month. Or we’d smell. Through our clothes. I’ll never forget asking my mother to buy one and her explaining to me that it was unnecessary. And then she had a talk w/the school nurse. But secretly I cried. At 15. Because I was going to stink and everyone was going to point and laugh at me like Carrie in the shower.
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Oh my gosh, that’s terrible! I remember in high school health, the teacher explaining that deodorant tampons could be dangerous and some of the girls were appalled, because otherwise they would SMELL! And at 14, listening to that discussion, I honestly wondered who in the world was up in there smelling them.
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I was the pain-in-the-ass kid who read that deodorant tampons were unnecessary and potentially unhealthy. Since Mother was still buying my supplies at the time, I gave HER the lecture about why she should change her purchasing habits. I’m not exactly recalling that she was thrilled with the important information. As for appropriate names–ever since I babysat a kid who called it her “shame shame,” I kinda freak out with inappropriate names. It hurts to even remember that.
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Thinking about talking penises, have you seen Rodney Carrington’s Letter to my Penis?
Funniest song ever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWQi_MKxUWQ
Warning: it’s about as fit for the office as you’d imagine from the title.
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