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Love & SexMy BF’s Porn

22 comments | August 12th, 2012

concerned

(by Katie, a 25yo Chestist)

There's so much about this story sent us by one of you we think is important, let's just let her do the talking:

I don't know if I'm upset right now. Or even if I should be.

I hopped on the BF's laptop to check email this morning (his was on and I was lazy enough to not want to turn mine on) and saw he had some... ahem... visual aids... up in the tabs. Now, we have frequently used porn of various kinds as foreplay ("Do you like this? Why? Why not?") so me checking out what was selected has positive precedent with us.

But these were all "Barely Legal!" and "All Horny Teens!" sites... Not the usual variety pack of mid/latetwenties, obviously adult bodies. Im willing to enjoy the blanket assumption that all of these girls are fully legal and do this to support their own, noncoerced sexuality, but all I can see is the girls in the teen Girl Scout troop I volunteered with last year. I texted him to ask about it (nicely, I swear) and he called not ...

#chestismsLet’s Talk Dirty

10 comments | June 13th, 2012

Sketch 2011-01-23 15_47_44

(by FMB)

Name one sexual inhibition; maybe something you've always wondered about but have been too self-conscious to do.  It might just be leaving the lights on.  But whatever it is, you can tell us. (Remember, you can talk anonymously.)

#thecumulativeeffectWhy and How

8 comments | April 16th, 2012

dude, wtf

(by OOC)

Why do you think our culture objectifies women so much more than men?

Why do you think we have idioms like "man up" but no equivalent on the other side of the gender aisle?

Why is beer a "man's drink" and a white wine spritzer a "lady drink"?

Why is it okay to insult a boy or a man by saying they're acting like a girl? 

Why is acting like a girl usually presumed to be a bad thing?

Why do men hold doors for women, but women don't for men?

Why's it still more common (and sometimes expected) for a man to pick up a first-date check than a woman (if you don't go dutch)?

Why is it considered so much more natural for younger women to be with older guys than it is in the opposite?  Why are women "cougars" and men are just...men?

Why is it so much more common for physically beautiful women to be with physically unattractive men?  (Think, would you ever see a male version of Sophia Vergara ever married to a female version of Ed O'Neil?)

Why can men walk around without their shirts on every beach ...

#lifestagesNot Enough Keggers?

4 comments | March 2nd, 2012

Sketch 2011-01-27 12_15_17

(submitted by OOC)

According to this NYT article 39% of college women reported feeling overwhelmed versus only 18% of men.  Yup, 2x as many women.  Why?

It hasn't been all that long since some of us here at OOC were in college, and while there were certainly pressures in those years, we'd have had a hard time believing that nearly 40% our peers were feeling 'overwhelmed.'  What gives?  Is it really the economy hating on our happy?  Or is it bigger than that?  Let's #discuss.

#lifestagesBoys, Boys, Boys

5 comments | October 12th, 2011

new chestist

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

My Story:

Why the hell do guys have to flirt and get you all wrapped up and messed up in the head just to throw you away the next day?! Guys are so confusing and sometimes not even worth it! UHHH!!!!!!!!!!  {end story.}  

Ok, so what is it with guys?  And is it just guys or is it (potentially) sexual relationships.  Are LGBT relationships (hmmm, are there LGBT relationships or just people who are LGBT?  Please let us know, and we mean no offense if we're being ignorant) less prone to these challenges?

 

And, as an aside, have you ever felt "thrown away"...the next day, year, whatever?  What happened?  As always, remember, if you share your story you can change hers. 

Good Listener = Good Sex

12 comments | October 6th, 2011

listen

(story by OOC via zeenews)

Listen up, Chestists (get it?)...

 

"A study has revealed that an understanding male partner, who can communicate and listen well, is more likely to give his female partner an orgasm.

 

The US study, which is the first to find a solid relationship between mental well-being and sexual pleasure, looked at three qualities, self-esteem, autonomy and empathy...

 

The team from Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health found that sexual enjoyment in women was consistently linked to an empathetic male partner.

 

 

They found that when men were responsive and cared it set up a "feedback cycle" which increased a woman`s pleasure.

 

The results also indicated that among women, self-esteem and the feeling of autonomy increased levels of sexual enjoyment."

 

5 words.  Support The Self Esteem Act.

 

A few more...does your partner listen?  Do you tell her or him or them what you want them to know?  Do you listen?  Do tell.  XO

#bodiesLow Self-Esteem

6 comments | October 4th, 2011

new chestist

(story submitted AnonymousIy, by a 29 yo Chestist)

I have such a low self esteem of myself and my body that I feel so excited when a guy shows any sort of interest in me, and I let them walk all over me.

 

The other night, I was making out with a guy I was just getting to know, I told him no sex. He protested "That's not fair, if I can't have sex with you, you at least have to perform oral sex on me." I barely voiced my protest and proceeded to do as he asked even if I wasn't comfortable doing it all.

 

Because I didn't want the guy to feel cheated out of this experience no matter what I felt. Needless to say, I haven't contacted the guy again.

 

But, I am a successful, attractive 29 year old woman, and I still end up feeling like a guy is doing me a favor by choosing to be with me. #sex #bodies #self esteem {end story.}

 

Ok, how's your self-esteem?  On a scale of 1 - 10, 10 being mad love for you, how would you rate ...

#thecumulativeeffectDivision of Labor

7 comments | September 21st, 2011

Bucket

(story by OOC via Time)

The beach (remember summer?) is good for so many things, not the least of which was catching up on all the reading we need to do.  And so it was with sand between our toes (and in our crevices) and with the sweet smell of SPF 70 tickling our nostrils, that we caught up with this.

 

"Sharing household chores was was 3rd most important ingredient (after faithfulness and sex) in a successful marriage" to 62% of married adults, in research done by the Pew Research Center in 2007. 

 

Now, you know, us, and it would be easy to end the story here and go right to questions....but let's not because the original Time story was chock full of interesting factoids.  Amongst them:

 

These days, it's working dads that are experiencing increasing pressures and decreasing well-being.  The thing that seems to have changed most over time is not that an increase in working moms has alleviated the pressure to be the "breadwinner', but that there's been an exponential increase (our word) in fathers' wanting to and feeling they should be involved parents.

 

"Women expect more of men, and men ...

#thecumulativeeffectAngela Davis on Men and Women

11 comments | September 20th, 2011

angela davis

(story by OOC)

Angela Davis is an activist who's been fighting what she sees as injustices her whole life.  She said this:

 

"To understand how any society functions you must understand the relationship between the men and the women."

 

Pretty simple and straightforward.  Do you agree or disagree? What do you think the relationship between the men and the women is in your world?

#bodiesJocks v. Athletes

6 comments | September 9th, 2011

new chestist

(story submitted by Dee, a 48 year-old Chestist)

My Message: As an educator and a mother of 2 teenagers, I have seen how the media can affect not only our youth, but their parents, as well.

 

There's been a lot of focus on the media affects to girls and young women, but boys and young men are equally affected. We are raising boys to believe that their self-worth comes from the bulk of the muscles on their bodies and the number of sports they play. I have seen young men forget that being an "athlete" is very different than being a "jock."

 

Unfortunately, parents have contributed to raising more "jocks" than "athletes." You may ask what the difference is between the two. Athletes respect who they are as individuals, understand that they are role models for younger boys and the sport they play should not define who they are. Athletes care as much about their education as they do about working out in a healthy manner.

 

They believe in hard work, not using steroids or other substances to cheat the process of hard work. Ahtletes have a passion for ...

#thecumulativeeffectWomen Are From Where?

8 comments | September 7th, 2011

venus

(story by OOC via BigThink.com)

Looks like it's time to buy Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus a 20th Anniversary card.

 

That said, there seems to be some discussion that maybe John Gray, the book's author and a well-known speaker, might need to buy some of us an apology card.  According to psychology professor Niobe Way, the core premise of the book is, um, wrong. 

 

Wrong?!  Do you mean we're not born different, Niobe Way?

 

From the BigThink.com (we wish we'd come up with that name):

 

"Boys and men, it turns out, have the same emotional and social capacities and needs as girls and women. What's the Big Idea?

 

Worse than spreading half-truths about communication problems that arise in romantic relationships, books like Men Are From Mars establish exclusive gender roles that make it less acceptable for men to have have "feminine" emotional lives.

 

"My studies, along with dozens of others, reveal that boys do not start out being less empathic and emotional than girls. They become this way as a result of growing up in a culture where emotions are associated with being female and gay and thus devalued." Gender ...

#thecumulativeeffectThe Penis Problem

13 comments | August 30th, 2011

new chestist

(story submitted by  D H Leitner, a Chestist) D H wrote to us after seeing our announcement about The Self Esteem Act (we think).  Here's what she had to get off her chest: After reading the umpteenth story about how hollywood and society "bully's" women and girls, yet continues to dance around, dodge and avoid the reasons WHY such "bullying" even EXISTS in the first place, I find myself simply wanting to scream as clearly NOBODY is willing or brave enough to deal with the SOURCE of such rampant and esculating destructive behavior! The answer boils down to ONE thing...(excuse the pun) stroking the male penis!! From cramming our feet into tortorously devised shoes, to cutting our bodies surgically, to the unrealistic portrayals from hollywood, the male penis dictates our entire society and it is supported fully by it's counterpart testosterone! From the billions wasted on "sports" while our own people are starving, the mega billions wasted on the monstrous industry of war, to the very destruction of our planet from over population, until we recognize, ACCEPT and DEAL with the animalistic nature of man himself, we and any hope of a ...

#lifestagesThis is Not a Joke

15 comments | August 18th, 2011

chestist

(story submitted anonymously, by a Chestist)

This Chestist's story speaks for itself:

 

"On Friday, I ran into a guy a friend had wanted to set me up with. We talked all night, he asked me the next day to come over and watch Manhattan (because it's his favorite movie and I've never seen it). We're watching the movie and he suddenly gets uber sexually aggressive and when I push him off he asks if he can just see my boobs.

 

This is not a joke.

 

I said no." [end of story.]

 

Wow.  Any dating moments you'd like to share?  Have you ever had to deal with guys (or gals) who got too aggressive?   As always, you can be as anonymous as you want to be. 

#bodiesWTF. Again.

2 comments | August 18th, 2011

WTF

(submitted by OOC via here)

There may not be anything in this piece we've not shared before, but until it changes, until the behaviors shift, we'ge going to keep banging the drum of WTF?!   Check this out:

 

In movies, particularly, but also in television shows and the accompanying commercials, women's and girls' appearance is frequently commented on: 58 percent of female characters in movies had comments made about their looks, as did 28 percent in television shows and 26 percent of the female models in the accompanying commercials. Mens' and boys' appearance is talked about significantly less often in all three media: a quarter (24%) of male characters in the movies, and 10 percent and 7 percent, respectively, in television shows and commercials.

 

One in every three (37%) articles in leading teen girl magazines also included a focus on appearance, and most of the advertisements (50%) used an appeal to beauty to sell their products.

 

The commercials aimed at female viewers that ran during the television shows most often watched by teen girls also ...

#thecumulativeeffectCompared to What? To Who?

19 comments | August 15th, 2011

compared to what

(story by seth @OOC)

A guy's sitting at a red light, his mind's wandering, and he's not paying much attention to anything in particular.

 

A pretty woman's in the cross-walk and walks in front of his car.  He pays a little attention, but not much.  She's obviously on the way to the gym or something, and isn't wearing a whole lot of anything.  Absent-mindedly, the guy thinks to himself "she's pretty. I mean, she's not perfect or anything, but pretty."

 

(Cue the SFX of Fred Flintstone stopping his car or RoadRunner screeching to a halt)...WTF?!  "Not perfect or anything"?  Compared to what?  Compared to who?  Compared to me?  Because me, I'm the guy sitting at the red light.  I'm the guy who - without thinking about what I was thinking about -  thought that.  How fucked up.

 

And since I'm getting all confessional with my ugly thoughts, I'll also share for those that don't know me, that I'm no paragon of beauty myself.  And still and yet, my subconscious, socialized, guy-mind was all "she's not perfect or anything."  And in that moment, absent-minded became fully present and I was pretty ...

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